I woke up this morning in a panic. I was dreaming that I was responsible for getting some documents “in the cloud,” and I was supposed to be on-shift or something. Maybe monitoring social media, I’m not sure. The details are fuzzy. What was really clear, though, was the sense that I had a huge responsibility and I was failing. It felt like it had something to do with Eric. Most of my stress dreams have to do with Eric – I think it’s residual stress from almost losing him.
Without thinking, I got up, put on my robe, and started in to the bathroom to get ready for my day. It was 3:30 a.m.
It took a lot to convince myself that there was no shift I was supposed to cover, no documents that needed to be sent, no responsibilities requiring my attention at that moment. I’m not kidding, I stood there in my nightgown saying, “It was a dream. There’s nothing. It’s OK.”
This is not unusual to wake up thinking I’m supposed to be doing something. I’m way behind on two projects for my daughter’s class. I’m one of the room parents, and we definitely have some catching up to do. Work is certainly stressful right now, and there have been a few days in the last 2 weeks that required my attention at ungodly hours. But what struck me about today is that I actually jumped out of bed to tackle the mysterious stress-dream-come-to-life, and it was so hard to convince myself it wasn’t real. It was such a visceral reaction to stress, and it’s stuck with me all day.
I don’t like it.
Maybe I need to get back to yoga?